My little Jane is the sweetest thing. She doesn't even cry but that could be that I don't ever set her down. I just rock her and hold her close. I feel like she needs me more than my other babies did, like she's going to see hard times. My heart breaks to think of it. Dan says she'll be fine but I don't know. Thusy wants to hold her but I can't hardly let go of her. John wants to kiss her on the forehead. Them being so close in age might make them close. Maybe John will try and protect her when they are older.
The air is so hot I can't breathe any too well. I'm thankful my sister is staying a few days more. I'm dreading her leaving yet I know she will. She has her own things to worry with. I didn't have no help with my other babies, didn't expect it or even think of it. Nobody gets help. It seems to me Nancy was meant to come so I could rock my little Jane. Things is meant to be. I'm already deciding I'm going to rock her ever chance I get even if I don't get things done up.
Dan's been busy these days. He says lots of babies are coming and lots of folks sick. I pray he don't bring sickness here. I couldn't abide it if I lost little Jane.
Jane has deep eyes, dark, not blue like John and Thusy. Sometimes when she looks at me I think she knows what I am thinking about her, like she doesn't want me to worry. Even Dan wonders about her eyes. He finally did pick her up. But he seems strange about her. He asked me what I did with that caul. I just let him know that it was put up. He didn't ask no more. I take it out and look at it, along with mine. I don't get much comfort from it.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
MAY 23, 1871
Our little Jane was born early this morning. I barely felt her come, almost didn't have time to call Dan. She came right there in the bed without the birthing rags I had ready.
She's a special baby, a caulbearer. Even though Dan brings lots of babies, he was shocked to see the caul on his own child. He said it was his first. I had wondered if I would have such a child. I was a caulbearer myself. I never told Dan, didn't know how he would take it.
I helped Dan take it off little Jane's face, it came easy. I had Dan bring me a clean rag and some paper, I spread it out and set it by the bed to dry. She opened her little eyes and looked right at me. We understood each other from that moment. She had sorrow in her eyes. My heart broke to think of it. She would know things she won't want to know and feel things that will nearly kill her. I know the heartache it will bring. Yet it is her way.
My granny had the sight, she was a caulbearer too. Not my mama though. Granny said it skips sometimes, it looks for a strong mind. My granny comforted me when I knew things, she held me when I cried yet didn't know why. She knew I couldn't tell her in words but while she held me against her chest she would tell me what brought my tears. I was scared sometimes, like I knew when the flood was coming and when I saw Pappy die in the yard. My granny told me not to tell what I knew except to her. It would cause me grief, she said, nobody would understand, they would say I was daft.
My granny saved my caul and gave it to me when I was 12. She told me never to let it be far away from me, to look at it now and then, keep it dry. I'll put little Jane's caul with mine and give it to her when she is 12 or earlier if I think she needs to have it near her. I don't know what Dan will say about this. He dotes on the children but he is shaken. He hasn't held the baby, says she needs to be with me and not handled, her being so little. Anyway, I don't ever want to put her down.
John has peeped in the door and I told Thusy to bring him to see Jane. I can see the love in his eyes for this baby sister. Thusy, too, but John more. Jane looks back at him with dark eyes. She knows him already.
I'll rest today. My sister, Nancy, has been sent for, she will help me a bit. It'll be a comfort to have her with me. I love my sisters so much it hurts me. I wish we could see each other some.
Little Jane is resting, her dark eyes closing in sleep. She knows how much I love her. I can tell by the way she lays her hand on my chest.
She's a special baby, a caulbearer. Even though Dan brings lots of babies, he was shocked to see the caul on his own child. He said it was his first. I had wondered if I would have such a child. I was a caulbearer myself. I never told Dan, didn't know how he would take it.
I helped Dan take it off little Jane's face, it came easy. I had Dan bring me a clean rag and some paper, I spread it out and set it by the bed to dry. She opened her little eyes and looked right at me. We understood each other from that moment. She had sorrow in her eyes. My heart broke to think of it. She would know things she won't want to know and feel things that will nearly kill her. I know the heartache it will bring. Yet it is her way.
My granny had the sight, she was a caulbearer too. Not my mama though. Granny said it skips sometimes, it looks for a strong mind. My granny comforted me when I knew things, she held me when I cried yet didn't know why. She knew I couldn't tell her in words but while she held me against her chest she would tell me what brought my tears. I was scared sometimes, like I knew when the flood was coming and when I saw Pappy die in the yard. My granny told me not to tell what I knew except to her. It would cause me grief, she said, nobody would understand, they would say I was daft.
My granny saved my caul and gave it to me when I was 12. She told me never to let it be far away from me, to look at it now and then, keep it dry. I'll put little Jane's caul with mine and give it to her when she is 12 or earlier if I think she needs to have it near her. I don't know what Dan will say about this. He dotes on the children but he is shaken. He hasn't held the baby, says she needs to be with me and not handled, her being so little. Anyway, I don't ever want to put her down.
John has peeped in the door and I told Thusy to bring him to see Jane. I can see the love in his eyes for this baby sister. Thusy, too, but John more. Jane looks back at him with dark eyes. She knows him already.
I'll rest today. My sister, Nancy, has been sent for, she will help me a bit. It'll be a comfort to have her with me. I love my sisters so much it hurts me. I wish we could see each other some.
Little Jane is resting, her dark eyes closing in sleep. She knows how much I love her. I can tell by the way she lays her hand on my chest.
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