BABIES IN THE HOUSE

Mine and Dan's house is full of life these days. John is still a baby and little Jane is a tiny thing but she makes the house full. I like having babies to care for, I wish I had been able to have lots more but these three were meant to be mine, Thusy, John, and Jane.

I'm back to doing my housework. The old cook stove heats the house up so bad I can hardly breathe but we have to eat. We do take to sitting down to bowls of peas and squash with a platter of tomatoes. I love tomatoes best of all, I even like to fry up some cornbread to eat with tomatoes. It surely is good.

I'm missing my sister, Nancy. We hadn't been together for more than a day since I married Dan. Then she comes to help me when I need her most, to help me with Jane.

The zinnias are blooming all over the yard and even up close to the house. I like them about as well as any flower. They don't need much from me, they just grow, like they are growing for me, to give me a splash of color when I feel so dark inside.

Some days I feel like I can't get up out of bed, like something heavy is on my chest and I can't push it off. Ever now and then I just stay in bed for a spell, I pull Jane in the bed with me and Thusy looks after John. Those days in bed are a mystery to Dan, he don't understand my dark days, even if he is a doctor. I don't tell him much about it, I can't find the words. I don't take to dogs but on those days I can see a black dog walking around my bed. It gives me a fear deep in my heart, a fear I can hardly abide. Once I tried to talk to Dan about that black dog but he told me I was going daft.

My blood is still coming after Jane being born. I don't know how to stop it. I can't say much to Dan, he just says to keep Jane at my breast, that will stop it. But I feed her day and night and still I bleed bad. I despise them bloody rags hanging on the fence.

Thusy is looking at a boy, I think. My head gets swimmy just thinking about her taking off to get married. Oh, Lord, I do love my children.